by alaya howard
amh
i realized that i had changed
that i had finally gotten
the right place at the right time
- alaya
teia
a virgo/libra sisterhood
built on tact
consistently asking for the definition
use that in a sentence
stepping behind her eyes for protection
a shield she trained me to use
an air sign, cased in her earth protection
- alaya
a letter to my long distance friend, alyssa
for what it’s worth, i miss you
having you around gave hangovers meaning
- alaya
depression, meet anxiety
she’s found a friend
someone that makes her usual behavior a bit more frenzied
they’ve partnered up to crawl into my chest
squeezing airways
building pillow forts in my mind
- alaya
i feel it too
home is starting to feel like your bedside table
cluttered with my things
holding on to my belongings while you hold on to my hand
my bedsheets hug me now like they miss me
and i don’t share the sentiment
- alaya
anew
and when bricks began to fall
she laid a new foundation
noting beams that still held strong
salvaged and carried them with her
guided by strength to begin again
- alaya
i hope you stay
i hope you stay
for all the reasons my doubts watch you leave
i’d like to know you in all parallels
you think i’m silly for believing in
- alaya
girls break hearts too
in friendship
to share yourself with someone takes effort
affection
pouring yourself into another feels like time well spent
until
girls break hearts too
find friendship deeper than your bloodline
if it fails you, present it with truth
if it fails you again, reclaim that space
for you
- alaya
retrograde
you could ease backwards
into complete freedom
but what if you stay
fold yourself into the layers
open your eyes to see them there
i’m warning you, retrograde
- alaya
…
i will never have enough time with my father
after my mother’s last goodbye, i hope to always find her likeness in a mirror’s reflection
my sister is so intertwined into my womanhood that i will have to rethink who i am if she escapes to the stars before me
if any take rest before i have tired
i will find ways to speak of them
out of turn and fonder than ever
- alaya